What I Can Control vs. What Can I Control?

In the Serenity Prayer, the speaker asks for the wisdom to discern between things that can and cannot be changed. This sentiment of control is important not only for members of a 12-step program, but for anyone looking to enhance their emotional and psychological health. In the prayer, the ability to recognize the difference between things they have control over and those that they do not is vital because it allows them to focus their energy on the things they can change. Things we can change are typically built around our own thoughts and actions - my attitude, the level of my voice, my spending habits, the words I use. It will be more useful to focus our attention on improving these sorts of things.

The other half of the aphorism is accepting things that cannot be changed. Having a peace of mind about things out of our control. Far too often, we find ourselves laboring uphill in a never-ending struggle to change something that we have no control over. Our minds and hearts are clouded by the inevitable frustrations and anxieties that result from trying to change something that does not want to be changed. Like the prayer suggests, we can do much better by letting go, and learning to accept those things for what they are. Examples include most notably, the feelings or actions of others. 

Once we determine which things can be changed and which cannot, our precious time, energy and resources can be devote to things most important and relevant to our well-being. So instead of spinning our wheels in an effort to change the minds of our neighbors, we can take the time and energy to improve ourselves. The new attitude and outlook will help us feel better and deal with stressors in a more positive manner.